I ... don't like my mom's new boyfriend (he's a TMA controller)

It’s fine for Hangar Talk

A place for high-spirited discussion of matters often overheard in the airfield hangar (or bar!).

He’s your mom’s friend. She has to live with him, not you.
Him trying to measure up to you just tells you that he’s unsure. Just be nice to him and if you really can’t stand him, just avoid contact as much as possible, what else is there to do?

Also, she buying him a beer could be way worse.

It’s also normal for sons to not like mom’s new boyfriend. I’d cut both of them some slack.

Some factors to consider, not in any particular order of importance:

• Your mum is entitled to a life, after her kids have left the house.

• A big (and very common, especially for mums) mistake for a parent is to live life “through” the kid(s), and then when the kid(s) vanish, the parent(s)’s life blows up. Most women will say that daughters are better while sons generally disappear pretty quick

• A lot of kids do not like their parent(s) new partner(s). Nothing one can do.

• Her new man should treat you well, of course. But often this does not happen. Your mum has made her choice and you need to make yours and perhaps live somewhere else.

• In former USSR-bloc countries, being nice to people is often not a priority They are still where e.g. the UK was in 1950 in the way people and especially kids are treated. If Romania is anything like the “USSR” then being nasty is pretty much a starting point for anything

• All jobs, hobbies, etc self-select on personality and, while most ATCOs are fine, there is a sizeable % of really weird people who were attracted by the “controlling” aspect.

This reminds me of my old friend – I have known him for about 50 years. He is a pretty good man but for some reason “always” wants to show how much more he understand than others. Of anything. Last time I visited him (this summer) he started talking about his son who flies ATR at Finnair. “ATR is the most difficult plane at Finnair – if one knows how to fly it, he can fly all the others as well” he said. Of course he had heard this from his son.

At the moment I remembered, why I don’t visit him often… in this kind of comments he expects the other one to be surprised and ask “Oh, really – how come?” Then he can play very clever and answer “Because …. (something from his son)” That’s what he always expects from others.
This time I did not fall into his trap but commented “Well, yes, ATR has both jets and propellers, and other planes have only jets.”
He was clearly a little disappointed and repeated his sentence. With the same answer from me. And we changed the subject.

Some people just are like that – they want to pretend clever to every one even if they don’t know anything about the subject. Like this friend has never controlled an airplane but sure he “knows” more than we pilots. Better avoid talking about flying with him. Really funny and stupid in my opinion.

There was a guy I used to run into at standards meting, a LONG time ago. He loved to wind people up by making somewhat outrageous statements about our area, and watching people wriggle themselves into a pretzel as he subtly moved the goalposts. I certainly fell for it a good few times.

Until I realised how to deal with him. When he came out with something stupidly outrageous, I’d say, “You know, I’m sure you’re right.” He had no idea what to do. He would try to shift the goalposts around but I’d just do more of the same. I don;t think he enjoyed our evenings together so much after that.

My opinion, for what it’s worth:
- the fact that this guy is an a$$h0l3 might not be related to him being a TMA controller, (unless TMA controllers have personality traits I am not aware of?)
- but it might be time to have a one-to-one discussion with your Mum about how he is treating her and it might not be the best guy for her?

Always a tough discussion to have, I know. I never felt comfortable when my mother commented on some of my girlfriends. In hindsight, I should have known better

Good luck in any case.

JoeMama_the_Pilot wrote:

Any advice ?

Your mon is entitled to live her own life without grown up children whining about it on the internet. That’s my thoughts I mean, he may be a complete duchebag for ll I know, but your mom may buy him beer just to make a point about she being ecinimically independent, or simply to be nice, or it could be a part of a much more sinister plan (you never really know about women ). Nothing wrong with that though. My wife buys food and beer to me as well It goes both ways. Seriously ??