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Pilot and aviation related jokes

The aide memoire I learnt for the transponder codes was

75 – I’m still alive
76 – I’m in a fix
77 – I’m going to heaven

EHLE / Lelystad, Netherlands, Netherlands

Administrator
Shoreham EGKA, United Kingdom


EHLE LIMB, Netherlands

Paris/Essex, France/UK, United Kingdom

REGULATIONS

Operations of Aircraft As Set Forth By The United States Air Service, 1920

- Don’t take the machine into the air unless you are satisfied it will fly.
- Never leave the ground with the motor leaking.
- Don’t turn sharp when taxiing. Instead of turning short, have someone lift the tail around.
- When taking off, look at the ground and the air.
- Never get out of a machine with the motor running until the pilot relieving you can reach the engine controls.
- Pilots should carry hankies in a handy position to wipe off goggles.
- Riding on the steps, wings or tail of a machine is prohibited.
- In case the engine fails on takeoff, land straight ahead regardless of obstacles.
- No machine must taxi faster than a man can walk.
- Do not trust altitude instruments.
- Learn to gauge altitude, especially on landing.
- If you see another machine near you, get out of its way.
- No two cadets shoUld ever ride together in the same machine.
- Never run motor so that blast will blow on other machines.
- Before beginning a landing glide, see that no machines are under you.
- Hedge-hopping will not be tolerated.
- No spins on back or tail slides will be tolerated as they unnecessarily strain the machine.
- If flying against the wind, and you wish to turn and fly with the wind, don’t make a sharp turn near the ground. You might crash.
- Motors have been known to stop during a long glide. If pilot wishes to use motor for landing, he should open throttle.
- Don’t attempt to force machine onto ground with more than flying speed. The result is bouncing and ricocheting.
- Pilots will not wear spurs while flying.
- Do not use aeronautical gasoline in cars or motorcycles.
- You must not take off or land closer than 50 feet to the hangar.
- Never take a machine into the air until you are familiar with its controls and instruments.
- If emergency occurs while flying, land as soon as you can.

LSZK, Switzerland

There is one missing here. Or at least it would be in the RAF manual.
That would be “Pilots of metal aircraft should always wear gloves when at the controls”
There are many stories of bomber pilots and ferry pilots putting their hands down to pick up something they have dropped on the floor and their fingers getting glued to the floor with ice.
Apparently it was very painful and much skin was lost getting hands free.

France

gallois wrote:

There is one missing here. Or at least it would be in the RAF manual.
That would be “Pilots of metal aircraft should always wear gloves when at the controls”
There are many stories of bomber pilots and ferry pilots putting their hands down to pick up something they have dropped on the floor and their fingers getting glued to the floor with ice.

That is a new one on me, but perhaps explains why Brits with a military background (or pretensions) can often be seen wearing a particular style of glove while flying in a combination of aircraft and conditions that do not warrant gloves of any sort.

gallois wrote:

Apparently it was very painful and much skin was lost getting hands free.

I would have thought the judicious application of hot tea should prove a suitable solution, a flask of the good stuff never being too far away in the RAF surely.

Last Edited by Graham at 30 Sep 10:35
EGLM & EGTN

AIUI there was not a lot of hot tea available crossing the channel in a Lancaster or Wellington, on a cold winter’s night above 10,000ft.

France

One I heard recently.

After ditching, the crew and pax are swimming in the sea.
Pax: “How far is it to land?”
Pilot: " 500 meters"
Pax: “Which direction? I can’t see any land!”
Pilot: “Downwards.”

LSZH(work) LSZF (GA base), Switzerland

gallois wrote:

AIUI there was not a lot of hot tea available crossing the channel in a Lancaster or Wellington, on a cold winter’s night above 10,000ft.

I would have been surprised if a flask or two were not carried on board.

EGLM & EGTN
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