Funny ATC Comments

Avweb do a funny ATC story each week. I haven’t read any for a few weeks, and looking back the past few weeks, I found two very funny ones, that I hadn’t heard before, and thought I’d share :)

Years ago, I was a 727 first officer and was flying with Captain Chester Hector. We were eventually going to cross an intersection called Hector.

I couldn’t resist. I got on the radio and asked:

“This is United 123. Captain Chester Hector requests a vector direct to Hector.”

Of course, the controller came right back and said:

“Roger dodger. Chester Hector is cleared direct to Hector.”

37 Years with the airline, and only once have I ever had that coincidence. It was a memorable moment for me at least.

Second one:

Saturday, December 6, approximately 18:00 local time, I am sitting on the ramp at KTMB waiting on an IFR clearance. Here is the conversation I hear:

N1234:
“Tamiami Ground, N1234 at T hangar, ready for taxi.”

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, I don’t see you. Taxi up to and hold short of taxiway E.”

[pause]

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, I see you now. Confirm you are a flight of two.”

N1234:
“Affirmative. I am a flight of two.”

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, taxi E to 9R; cleared to cross 31.”

N1234:
“N1234 taxiing E to 9R. Cleared to cross 31.”

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, I confirm you are a flight of two.”

N1234:
“Affirmative. I am a flight of two.”

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, I only see one of you.”

N1234:
“Of course you only see one. My cabin windows are tinted. There are two of us in here.”

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, ‘a flight of two’ means there are two aircraft.”

N1234:
“How could I fly two planes?”

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, ‘a flight of two’ means there are two aircraft and one pilot is talking for both aircraft.”

N1234:
“No. There is just my plane, with two people inside.”

KTMB Ground:
“N1234, you should have filed ‘two souls on board’ and not put ‘flight of two’ in the remarks. I will adjust your flight plan.”

N1234:
“Sorry. Thanks.”

You can find them each week here.
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